Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
