The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
