I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
