I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize