Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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