This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
