Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
