Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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