I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
