Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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