I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
