you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
