Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
