I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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