The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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