there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
