Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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