ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
