Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
