the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
