We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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