she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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