he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
