don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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