Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
