I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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