you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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