When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
