she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
