i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
