Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
