I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
