Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
