Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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