I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
