After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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