well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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