Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
