Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
