Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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