Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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