Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
