I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
