Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
