Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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