dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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