sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
