No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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