I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
