I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
