Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
