yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
