Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
