I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
