yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
