On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I sprained my soul last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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