dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
