i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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