I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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