I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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