So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
