Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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