They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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