apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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