You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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