Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize