you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're breaking my sexual little heart
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
