Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
