Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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