I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
