She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
