yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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