I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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