hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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