Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
