My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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