i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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