I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
