well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
