You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
