i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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