My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
