If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
